Modern parenting presents us with a struggle: striking a balance between our duties as parents and meeting our need for self-care. I've witnessed firsthand how hard parents struggle to strike this delicate equilibrium between fulfilling parental responsibilities and prioritizing our well-being, often seen as selfish acts by outsiders, yet such self-preservation acts are essential to family wellbeing. It is easy to see why many view prioritizing self-care in parenting as selfish but what if I told you that this very act of self-preservation is not only vital but essential for the health of the entire family?
The struggle of parenting is real and deeply embedded into society's narrative that glorifies self-sacrificing parents while stigmatizing those who admit they're running on empty. Unfortunately, this narrative perpetuates the myth that good parenting entails constant self-denial and martyrdom - neglecting self-care won't make you a better parent; instead, it will just make you a burned-out parent! The reality is stark: you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Parents today face more pressure than ever to balance work, education, home life, and meeting the emotional needs of their children all while taking care of themselves. Unfortunately, self-care often takes a backseat amidst this busyness; leaving many feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or disillusioned as parents--resulting in increased stress levels, resentment, or feeling helpless to make an impactful contribution in raising children. When this occurs it can create distance not just from yourself but from your children as well.
While asserting self-care as being as essential to parenting responsibilities may seem controversial, doing so challenges the belief that mothers in particular must always put themselves last when it comes to caring for themselves. This view is outdated and harmful as it neglects the reality that a well-rested and emotionally balanced parent can be more present, patient, and effective at being an excellent role model for their child(ren).
Finding a balance between parenting responsibilities and self-care starts by shifting the narrative. Recognizing that self-care should not be seen as an act of selfishness but as self-stewardship. Small acts like taking a quiet walk, reading a book, or spending time in prayer are great ways to recharge.
Finally, striking a balance between parenting responsibilities and self-care should not be seen as a zero-sum game; rather it's an artful dance of give and take wherein neither side should prioritize one over the other; both aspects are necessary components of a healthy, happy family life. Let's redefine what being a good parent means by including self-care into our equation.
As always, our therapist at Approaching Change LLC is here to support you.
Briggett Harris, LMHC